He said, “We don’t want to have kids…”

By Richard Furleigh

If there are a small handful of choices we have made in our lives that truly define us as questioning everything it is our decision to not have children. While the number of children per family has declined over the last few decades the general attitude is that couples will end up having kids together. Separately both of us had even wanted them ourselves when we were younger but the times they are a changin!

Growing up I had assumed that I would have two kids, and my wife and I would split work/home duties and raise our little loving family. As I got into college and toward graduation I wanted to make sure that if I did have kids that it was under circumstances that would be conducive to a good upbringing; then Kristen and I got to talking…

It’s not that either of us changed the others mind, rather our thoughts had been shifting on their own for some time before we sat down and discussed what our potential family would look like. As we talked we realized that our life plans seemed so chaotic already, full of ambitions that take an exceptional amount of time and dedication, that we LOVE to travel and see the world. These things, while not impossible with children, definitely become much more difficult and not to mention costly (because unless that 4 & 6 year old have jobs they aren’t contributing to that trip to Disney that suddenly doubled in price). We also recognize the monumental effort it takes to actually be a good parent (shout out to Mike and Tracie Furin for being that!), to raise children in the best way possible becomes your #1 priority, everything else falls to the wayside when that bundle of joy arrives. This means your life, goals, and ambitions now play second fiddle.

Beyond these is also a harsh reality that people have ignored for a long time because the subject of unhappiness and children is too taboo: having kids is incredibly stressful. According to a recent study, the drop in happiness experienced by parents after the birth of first child was larger than the experience of unemployment, divorce or the death of a partner. So Kristen may actually be better off if I keel over dead than if she has a child with me.

At the end of it all what it boils down to is that I love my life with Kristen, we have a pretty awesome thing going. There are significant ambitions that having children would massively complicate in terms of artistry, career, and travel. Not to mention the costs in terms of monetary, mental, and physical health are enormous and understated. In many ways I feel that I just don’t want to give up the life I have with her, the things we are able to do with relative ease right now that would become giant undertakings with even one child. If it happens, then hey, I will welcome the little Furleigh. I hope I would make a good Dad, and I know Kristen would be a great mother. For now though, this is the last thing we are trying to make happen in our lives, and we are just fine with that.

What’s your take on kids? To have them, not to have them, maybe you already have a couple and could shed a little more insight on the topic? We’d love to have a conversation with you about it! Just let us know in the comments. Until next time Pengminions!

Also read Kristen’s take here!

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Facebook: @FurleighFotography

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All things Soirée and…..We need YOUR help!

Pengminions!

It is I, Kristen, the lady of this duo you will oh so soon be able to refer to as: The Furleigh’s!
Hello you all. Hope everything in your world is going gloriously. It is going very much so here for us. We are head over feet in planning and work and projects. It is grand. I love being this busy!

It has been a little bit since updating you all on planning and things soiree related. It has been interesting trying to organize everything on our own since this whole thing is a little foreign to us but we are managing it. LISTS are our best friends, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND them a.) for life and b.) for an undertaking such as this. It will probably be what saves our butts in the end because if we just tried to “remember it” all we would not have anything to show come April 13th.
We went to check out our venue a couple weeks ago and it is plain but it has potential. They provide tables which actually are perfect for our theme. They are kind of a brushed metal top. *perfect* The chairs we might have to change up somehow but we will work with them. Lately we have been on the hunt, stopping in many Goodwill Stores and thrift stores and just recently started going garage sale shopping, to find the perfect trinkets to put together for interesting centerpieces and decorations around the venue. My parents so graciously and thoughtfully sent us gift cards to Michael’s for our Christmas presents (I can’t tell you how excited I was when I opened it) and got a few things to start the process of Invite Construction!!!

Oh my, oh my. Shame shame shame on me. Did I share with you all that my custom designed dress is in the process of being made…as in…decision made and deposit PAID! Eeps, It all just keeps becoming more real.

A couple of other big things we are working on is food, flowers, cake.
The food we are trying to keep reasonably priced and MAN flowers are EXPENSIVE oh and so are cakes. Which we have been tossing around the idea of making it ourselves. Yes you read that correctly. Home-made-cake for our reception. The key to this decision being made will be based on us deciding we will spend a day in the near future and do a cake test run. We will let you know how it goes. If successful, it will save us so much money.

Some thing that we have to remind ourselves throughout this process is to stop and KISS! Keep.It.Simple.Stupid. A little acting nugget you can take with you and use in all of life. Try it. Please. It works wonders!

And here is where you all come in:
Whilst in the midst of all this planning we have come to realize that we also have to come up with a list of music to fill hours of entertaining. We have started a so far short list with a collection of songs that range all over the music spectrum. For the shindig we would love to know some of your favorites when it comes to music so we might stay ahead of the curve because I am sure we are going to miss some good ones by just not thinking of them. Anything! We would love to hear it. We want some ambiance music but we also wanna get people out on the dance floor when the time comes! What would get you up and on the dance floor? What are some songs or types of music you have heard at a reception that you thought were spectacular choices? We appreciate any and all input from you.

Thank you so much pengminions! This is going to be a most glorious occasion so, many thanks to you for helping make it so special.
So much love,
Kristen B